Cid Battles
by Aqua Knight 7
Summary: The FF Cids are trying to prove who's better, the Cids who helped the heroes by joining with them, other the ones that just gave airships and information. Review if you think it's worth continuing.
1. Default Chapter

Cid Battles:  
  
We join the Final Fantasy Cids (from FF4-FF9) discussing the greatness of their journies:  
  
Cid FF4: Well, I'll tell you, not only did I supply the heroes with an airship, I joined them on some of their quests!  
  
Cid FF7: So what? I not only gave my group and airship, I became the leader of them at one point! Yup, good ol' Cid Highwind taking charge!  
  
Cid FF8: Er, well, I don't know about airships, but I'm the headmaster of a whole acadamy that trains SeeDs, and their the toughest around.  
  
Cid FF5: ....I like machines.  
  
Cid FF9: I joined up with my friends. And not only that, I was turned into a bug and later into a frog! Oh, and I'm an airship expert and the regent of a castle.  
  
Cid FF6: I worked for a powerful empire and experiment with magic beings.  
  
Cid FF7: Heh heh, you never even joined the heroes of you journey.  
  
Cid FF4: Yeah, and neither did you!  
  
Cid FF8: Who cares, I'm smarter than all of you.  
  
Cid FF7: Then I propose a challenge! All of the Cids who joined the heroes at one point or another against the Cids who sat around and just gave information! The losers pay the winners 5000 gil each!  
  
Cid FF8: Hmm, well, that makes the magic expert Cid and the one that....likes machines on my team.  
  
Cid FF4: And I've got Highwind and the regent on my side.   
  
So they went off to a series of challenges. The first event was the invention round. Each group must make an object that can fling a stuffed moogle. The group that manages to fling the moogle doll further wins. There are tools and parts for both teams, and pleanty of them.  
  
Cid FF8: Easy, we need a catapult.  
  
Cid FF6: I'll take care of building.  
  
Cid FF5: I like making machines.  
  
Cid FF6: O...k, you can do the building while me and the headmaster design it.  
  
To the other group of Cids:  
  
Cid FF9: Alright, we should make a steam powered engine that will cause a lever to gain more momentium that if someone dropped a boulder on it.   
  
Cid FF4: I guess we could give it a shot. Highwind, do you have anything that will heat water to make steam.  
  
Cid FF7: That's easy, the regent can make the engine, I'll just make some hot water.   
  
  
And to the other Cids:  
  
Cid FF8: Ok, we designed it, you build it.  
  
Cid FF5: Got a wrench, bolts and nuts? I don't like using flat head screwdrivers or slotted screws.  
  
Cid FF6: You don't need a damn wrench. Just stick to the design!   
  
Cid FF5: But I wanna wrench!  
  
The other Cid group:  
  
Cid FF4: Ok, the steam engine's not working very well.   
  
Cid FF7: Just @#$! great! We got a piece of crap filled with hot water and giant lever.  
  
Cid FF9: Maybe if I make a few adjustments.  
  
Back to the "Catapult Cids"  
  
Cid FF8: FOR THE LAST TIME! WE'RE NOT CHANGING THE WHOLE DESIGN SO YOU CAN HAVE A WRENCH!  
  
Cid FF5: Geez, alright, I use the stupid screwdriver.  
  
Cid FF6: You know what I just realized....  
  
Cid FF8: What?  
  
Cid FF6: I've been dead for about a year now.  
  
Cid FF8: @#$&%!  
  
To the "Steam Engine Cids"  
  
Cid FF9: There, let her rip!   
  
Cid FF4: ::turns it on:: ::it breaks again:: It's still not working!  
  
Cid FF9: What?!  
  
Cid FF7: I don't have time for this damn $#%@ ::lifts engine and throws in on lever:: ::stuffed moogle flies 240 Ft:: Hell yeah!  
  
And back at the "Catapult Cids"  
  
Cid FF8: So if you're dead, then how....  
  
Cid FF6: Let's keep it quiet, we have enough problems.  
  
Cid FF5: It's done! The catapult is done!  
  
Cid FF8: Well, go ahead and fling the moogle doll, it seems the others got over 200 feet.   
  
Cid FF5: ::pushes button:: ::catapult spins 360 degrees and moogle doll falls on the floor next to Headmaster Cid::  
  
Cid FF8: YOU IDIOT! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!   
  
Cid FF6: ::hold the headmaster back:: Calm down, it's not the end of the world.  
  
Cid FF8: Just one little punch, please! It'll be quick! 


	2. Second Competition

Cid Battles: Event two  
After a strong victory due to Cid Highwind's angry actions, the non hero accompanying Cids plan hard for whatever the next competition is.  
  
Cid FF7: Ok, losers. We'll let you draw the next event out of the hat.  
  
Cid FF6: ::reaches in hat and looks at paper:: Oh great, the 200 yard dash.   
  
200 yard dash: In this competetion, each group must select one person to race against the other group.  
  
Cid FF7: ::looks at the Cid FF9 and Cid FF4:: Heh, no way you old timers are doing this.  
  
Cid FF9: What?! I have more speed than you could imagine, Highwind. Please! Let me do it!  
  
Cid FF7: $#&$! You old fool! You'll pass out!  
  
Cid FF9: We'll let you decide who should do it ::points to Cid FF4::  
  
Cid FF4: Leave this one to the regent, Highwind.  
  
Cid FF7: What the?! #$%#!   
  
Cid FF9: ::psst:: (Heh, good work, Cid) ::hands Cid FF4 200 gil::  
  
With the other Cids:  
  
Cid FF8: Ok, I'm out of shape, and getting old. I don't know if I can handle 200 yards.  
  
Cid FF6: I'm old too, but you know what it means if we can't do it....::looks at Cid FF5::  
  
Cid FF5: I wonder if a snake can run 200 yards....I mean, where's its feet?  
  
Cid FF8: I see your point. ::sigh:: But we have no choice. Besides, he's like someone on a caffine rush anyway, it's possible he can win.  
  
Cid FF6: Well, we could use a victory here. ::to Cid FF5:: Hey! Get ready, you're gonna run this!  
  
Cid FF5: Me? If you say so, but I don't have decent running shoes on.  
  
Cid FF8: Can I hit him before we start?  
  
Cid FF6: Wouldn't help.  
  
Back to the others:  
  
Cid FF7: C'mon, regent. Get to the starting point!  
  
Cid FF9: Ok, geez!  
  
Cid FF4: ::sees Cid FF5 going to the starting point:: That's who they picked?   
  
Cid FF7: Alright over there! You guys ready to lose!  
  
Cid FF8: ::from the distance:: You're going down, Highwind!  
  
Cid FF6: ::sigh:: And you're the headmaster of an acadamy?   
  
Cid FF8: Shut up, the race is starting!  
  
Cid FF7: C'mon regent, don't just jog!  
  
Cid FF4: Oh crap, he's falling behind!  
  
Cid FF8: That's the way, Cid! Use that psycho energy of yours!  
  
Cid FF7: #%$@! That's the fastest you can go?   
  
Cid FF6: I can't believe it, we may actually win this!  
  
Cid FF8: Maybe he's not a total screw off.  
  
Cid FF7: USE SOME SPEED! RUN DAMN YOU, RUN!   
  
In the race:  
  
Cid FF9: Crap! I'm gonna lose this one! Highwind will never let me live this down.  
  
Cid FF5: WHEEEE! I RUN LIKE THE WIND! I'M FASTER THAN A CHOCOBO! ::trips on a rock:: AND NOW I'M NOT IN THE LEAD.  
  
Cid FF9: Luck's my friend today! ::continues on::  
  
Back with the other Cids:  
  
Cid FF7: YEAH! We've got this one! 7 more yards!   
  
Cid FF4: See? I knew he could do it (Thank god for miracles).  
  
Cid FF8: I....I....  
  
Cid FF6: Easy there, headmaster. ::race ends, both Cids return::  
  
Cid FF7: Well, I'll give ya credit, old man. You made the 200 yards.  
  
Cid FF9: Yeah, but I'm gonna be feeling leg pain for weeks.  
  
Cid FF8: THAT'S TWO YOU COST US! TWO! HOW'D YOU EVER BUILD AN AIRSHIP WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK WHERE YOU'RE RUNNING! #@#% IDIOT!  
  
Cid FF6: I'm gonna need cider, and lots of it.  
  
Cid FF5: Oooh? Like apple cider?  
  
Cid FF6: Yeah....right. Apples....(and rum). 


	3. More Crossovers

Cid Battles.  
  
After losing two competetions, Cid FF8, Cid FF6, and Cid FF5 seek victory. Since Cid FF5 lost two rounds for them, Cids FF8 and FF6 panic over what could be next. Though there won't be one in this chapter, just a little more crossing over to make things a little better for the next event.  
  
Cid FF8: What can we do? We can't keep losing! We'd be better off with a mindless moomba in our group.  
  
Cid FF6: Don't you mean moogle?  
  
Cid FF8: No, I mean moomba, you know, moom-ba.  
  
Cid FF6: Never heard of it. ::other walk in::  
  
Cid FF7: Well, well, well, if it isn't the reject Cids.  
  
Cid FF5: I'm not a reject! I'm cool, check out the pink lab coat. Makes the ladies swoon.  
  
Cid FF4: That....is quite possibly the freakiest thing I've seen. And I fought one eyed bats with a wrench.  
  
Cid FF9: Well, anyway. We came to tell you that we should get a referee.   
  
Cid FF8: I know just the person, Quistis! One of the more charming SeeD instructers I've ever had....until she left to help Squall. What the hell am I saying? I feld like a chicken and put that brown headed gunblade brat in charge of my acadamy!  
  
Cid FF7: Ok, I didn't want your life story, gramps.  
  
Cid FF6: Who's the referee?  
  
Cid FF4: Well, Highwind here knows her. She's some kinda ninja.  
  
Cid FF7: Her name's Yuffie. Don't let her age fool you, she can rob you blind in a second.   
  
Cid FF6: Oh great, a theif that YOU know for the referee. How do we know you're not gonna cheat? ::Yuffie walks in::  
  
Yuffie: Do I look like I'd do such a thing?  
  
Cid FF5: Hey, the lab coat's workin' it's charm. The girls flock right to it. Too young for my taste, but I can't control it's....  
  
Cid FF8: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!?  
  
Cid FF7: Look, she's the only person we could find for this job.   
  
30 Minutes Ago:  
  
Cid FF9: Ok, which one of you wants to be a referee for a bunch of guys who're competing to see who's best. 400 gil to whoever wants the job.  
  
Setzer: Me, I'll do it!  
  
Cid FF9: Kuja?  
  
Setzer: Huh?  
  
Cid FF9: You made a good disquise, but that hair give you right away. There's no way you're getting this job!  
  
Setzer: What the hell? I never saw you before in my life.  
  
Cid FF4: Security! ::Moogle comes and takes Setzer away:: Next!  
  
Reina: Hi, I'd like to be a referee!   
  
Cid FF7: Ok, do you think you could handle it?  
  
Reina: Don't I just have to keep score and make sure no one cheats. I want everyone to have fun, that's all.  
  
Cid FF7:....You do know what this is for right?  
  
Reina: Chocobo racing, right?  
  
Cid FF7: Ok, I don't even want to know why you'd think that, next!  
  
Faris (in pirate uniform): Argh, you be needin' someone tough.  
  
Cid FF9: That's a strange color and length for a man's hair.  
  
Faris: Argh, well, ya see ::drops purse with ID card::  
  
Cid FF9: A woman?  
  
Cid FF7: Oh no, not another crossdresser. I've seen enough of that stuff.  
  
Faris: Ye be harsh! I wouldn't work for ya if ya paid me 2000 gil!  
  
After a few more people came....  
  
Cid FF9: I don't think it'd work....  
  
Quina: What you mean?   
  
Cid FF7: Next!  
  
Yuffie: Well, if it isn't Cid Highwind. Still going for challenges, huh? I guess I'll take the stupid job.  
  
Cid FF4: First, would you....  
  
Cid FF7: You're hired!  
  
Back to the present:  
  
Cid FF9: So that's who we found. And we also got an announcer that can speak two languages! He's also a Cid, but we really can't add any more people to either group, it would be unbalanced. ::Cid FF10 walks in with Rikku::  
  
Cid FF8: Who's the girl?  
  
Cid FF7: Translator to anyone who may speak they're language. I don't have a damn ass clue what langauge they can speak other than English. And I doubt anyone else would come to watch us compete.   
  
Cid FF4: But can you say "no" to a face like that? ::points to Rikku::  
  
Cid FF10: Announcer, huh? Never been much of a crowd pleaser.  
  
Cid FF6: Look at the crowd ::points to four moogles:: They may speak your language, because I have no clue what Kupo means.  
  
Cid FF10: Oh.... ::to Rikku:: Lyh oui pameaja drao'na byoehk ic vun drec? (Can you believe they're paying us for this?)  
  
Rikku: Syopa drao'na naymmo nelr....un naymmo cdibet. (Maybe they're really rich....or really stupid).  
  
Cid FF5: My pink coat keeps attracting these young women. Heh, if only I was 25 years younger and thought of this!  
  
Cid FF10: E't cyo cdibet. (I'd say stupid).  
  
Cid FF7: Well, losers. You have to draw again.  
  
Cid FF8: ::draws an event card:: Hmm....the drinking contest?  
  
Cid FF6: My kind of fight!  
  
::Setzer comes in::  
  
Setzer: Hey, I was wondering if you still need a referee.  
  
Cid FF9: Ahhhhh! It's Kuja again!  
  
Cid FF7: No! It's Sephiroth! ::both charge at Setzer::  
  
Setzer: ::runs away::  
  
Cid FF6: Wait a minute, that was Setzer! Aw, forget it, when do we drink? 


	4. Third Competition

Cid Battles: The Third Competition.   
Author's note: Thanks to all you who have endured reading this thing and for giving me some ideas that would spice things up.  
  
After receiving both an announcer and referee, the two teams are ready for the Drinking Contest. However, things aren't exactly as expected.  
  
Cid FF6: What do you mean no booze?!  
  
Yuffie: Do you have any idea how much that would cost? Think about it. There's two teams of three and no one's gonna give in during the first mug. We gotta improvise.  
  
Cid FF6: But then what's the point of having one!?   
  
Cid FF10: Well, ya could always drink my famous Al Bhed fish stew. It's liquidfied so it's drinkable.  
  
Rikku: Remember the last time you made your stew?  
  
2 weeks earlier:  
  
Rin: Cid! Cid!  
  
Cid FF10: What, what is it?  
  
Rin: I went to get my chicken soup, but it was replaced by this foul smelling stuff!  
  
Cid FF10: ::recognizing the stew:: Hey, you don't need to worry. That stuff's edible, and good too!  
  
Rin: If you say so.  
  
Ten minutes later:  
  
Rin: Cid?  
  
Cid FF10: Yes Rin?  
  
Rin: Do you have a copy of today's paper, I'll be in the bathroom for awhile.  
  
Present:  
  
Cid FF10: ::sigh:: He was in there for 2 hours....  
  
Yuffie: We'll have to use water.   
  
Cid FF7: #$%^! Water? How can we use that? It's not that filling. You piss it out and keep going!  
  
Yuffie: You don't pee it out! You hold in until you can take no more. And the person cannot claim victory unless they drink as much as the person who gave up! I'm a genius!  
  
Cid FF5: I'll get the water!  
  
Yuffie: I have to come to make sure you don't do anything illegal.  
  
Cid FF5: Riight. Sure you do. You can admit you just wanna be around the man in lab coat.  
  
Cid FF8: Mention the stupid coat again and I'll use it as dish rag.  
  
Yuffie: You know what, I'll get the water myself.  
  
Cid FF4: So, this ninja chick travelled with you?  
  
Cid FF7: Yeah, she was a pain at some times, but a damn good fighter. ::Yuffie comes back with a tub of water:: And did I mention her lightning reflexes?  
  
Yuffie: Ok, now to draw who's drinking against who. ::picks out paper:: It's the regent against ::pulls out another:: Oh great, it's lab coat boy.  
  
Cid FF5: Who's that?  
  
Cid FF8: It's....you know what, I'm not even gonna say it.  
  
Yuffie: Now we have ::pulls out paper:: Hmm, can't make out the last name here.  
  
Cid FF4: That's me....something bit my arm when I was writing (and my handwriting's horrible).   
  
Yuffie: You're against the headmaster. That means the other two are paired up. You may begin when I throw this ninja star at the tree ::throws star::  
  
Cid FF10: And they're off! Cid FF6 is downing that water quickly, but Highwind isn't slacking either! Cid FF5....spilled his first cup, but he's pouring a fresh one right now! Cid FF4 finishes his first glass!   
  
Rikku: Yht drao'na uvv! Let VV6 ec tufhehk dryd fydan xielgmo, pid Rekrfeht ech'd cmylgehk aedran! Let VV5....cbemmat rec vencd lib, pid ra'c buinehk y vnacr uha nekrd huf! Let VV4 vehecrac rec vencd kmycc!   
  
Cid FF10: Whoa Rikku, look at the crowd! ::the four moogles hold up a "GO CID!" sign::  
  
Rikku: Which one is it for?  
  
Cid FF10: Uh....me?  
  
Cid FF6: You're going down, Highwind!  
  
Cid FF7: Heh, I'm almost finished with my first pitcher. And you look a little flooded, old man!  
  
Cid FF9: I....can't believe it.  
  
Cid FF5: ::drinking glasses of water rapidly::   
  
Cid FF9: I can't....do it anymore! ::gives in::  
  
Cid FF10: And the regent has forfitted! That gives Cid FF6 and 8 the chance to win this in a best out of three battle!  
  
Rikku: Yht dra nakahd ryc vunveddat! Dryd kejac Let VV6 yht 8 dra lryhla du feh drec eh y pacd uid uv drnaa pyddma!  
  
Cid FF6: Looking a little weak there....giving up would feel pretty good....yeah, it'd feel really good! ::sigh:: I give up.  
  
Cid FF10: Cid FF6 has gone down! It's all up to the last competetors!  
  
Rikku: Let VV6 ryc kuha tufh! Ed'c ymm ib du dra mycd lusbadadunc!  
  
Cid FF7: You better not lose this, old man. I took a lotta water for this thing!  
  
Cid FF4: I....I....  
  
Cid FF8: ::gulp:: Pitcher one, down. Heh, and they all laughed when I drank water all time instead of all those punches and sodas! Who's the loser now? ::wets pants:: Oh hell....  
  
Yuffie: Ewww....well, all you need to do now is drink the entire pitcher to win.  
  
Cid FF4: I....can't take another damn glass!  
  
Cid FF7: You %^$@$ idiot! This is an easy win!  
  
Yuffie: Winner by....not the most honorable way....Headmaster Cid!  
  
Cid FF10: The Headmaster's group wins!  
  
Rikku: Dra Raytsycdan'c knuib fehc! ::moogle from audience walks in::  
  
Moogle: Let me just say....that was the most pathetic competetion I've ever seen. That's not how drinking contests work!   
  
Yuffie: We we desperate.... 


End file.
